I don't slut shame her. The 14 years now of faithfulness is great but at about the 5-6 year mark we had a very rough spot. We had some serious conversations and i asked her if she had ever cheated on me before or after marriage. She said no, i'm not that kind of person, and was upset at me for even thinking about it let alone asking.

As for the kitten part i had been trying for years to spice things up. handcuffs, toys, positions (other than just doggie and mission), outside, in a car, role playing hell just on the couch and all where a no go, "a good christian girl wouldn't do that" was her usual response. Brought up the backside but she was all no, ewe that's gross and it would hurt yada yada. Well it turns out she knew from experience with the guy she step out with. it was consensual she let him because he asked once, just one time, but once he started she said it hurt so bad that she asked him to stop and he didn't. She shames herself more than i do. Also if she would have told me prior we may still have gotten married depending on a paternity test (oldest is 13 math wise it's the right time frame) but i could have made that decision not being duped into thinking that she was faithful since day one.

She knows that there is a small possibility that the oldest may not be mine biologically and she told me that she came back to me because i was sweet and nice and did things how she asked and asked before doing things because he told her after there weekend together to go back to you bf you dirty sl*t, what are you going to do tell him what we did. She was just ass to him (this was her ex and he knew i was in the picture).

So it's not just the 12-14 years if she waited to tell me about if even after i asked specifically about it. How do know what she will tell me in another 10-12 years the trust was gone and still is. I don't let myself be vulnerable about her anymore. I love her and care about her still, in love maybe most days but the bad days are more of awaiting for the storm to pass. There is alot more to the story from the past to d-day to past. the people in-between the counselors, pastors that we have spoken too some that sided with her some that understood where i was coming from. Her best friend and her husband, her mom, her sister the all knew portions of what had happened. so yes trust is where we still aren't. Her mom didn't care because she thought that i deserved it because i was financially frugal and wouldn't just buy something because we didn't need it or would tell her we had to wait to buy something because i preferred no debit to a mound of it like her mom was in.

There's so much more.