I cheated, but i am afraid it will break her if i tell her

I'm sorry if I'm being harsh but first of all, dude. You are a total tool.

Genuine love isn't an exchange and does not come with strings or conditions. It's not about what the other person can do for you. If you really love someone, them being stressed or difficult to be around or in some way temporarily unavailable (read: unable to get your dick off) won't change that. Good parents don't stop loving their children when they're sick or in a rut or going through a hard time. Same goes for good partners and their SOs. Abuse is one thing, but it sounds like your SO was being put through the ringer and you were more focused on what was in it for you than having her back. Imagine what it would be like to marry someone, stay with them into old age, and have them fall sick with a terminal illness. Imagine having to change their diapers one day or experience the death of a parent, child, or close family member with them. Are you still going to gripe about not getting laid when your wife has dementia and needs you to bathe her? Every single person on Earth is a complete drag to be around at least some of the time. Falling in love is being drenched by a waterfall of hormones. Staying in love is, to a great extent, a choice. Sounds like things are curtains between you and your girlfriend, but for the love of God, forget the other woman. Before you get into any other relationship, take some time to work on yourself and introspect. Seriously examine your view on what it means to love someone, to commit to them, and be in a healthy, resilient partnership. The damage with your now-ex has already been done; the best thing you can do to prevent future harm to others is to make sure you don't subject anyone else to this cheap, transactional knockoff of "love." Including this new girl.

As for telling her about the cheating, yes, I think you should. It might hurt her more in the moment, but based on the length of time you were together, it's likely she still has some lingering feelings/illusions about you having actually loved her. Going off both your actions, the way you talk about both of these women, and the events that transpired (fucking someone else when your girlfriend was too sad to put out, alluding to you "being drunk" over and over when describing the cheating instead of taking responsibility for your actions, the fact that you're actually considering starting something with the girl you cheated with, etc.), the absolute lack of respect and care that you have for your now-ex is glaringly obvious to me at least when you're being candid. It'll be a rude awakening, but it's better to tear the band-aid off fast. She shouldn't be left wondering about what could have been or whether you cared about her -- she deserves to know that it was over a long time ago, because you didn't. Having closure will make it easier for her to move on. The truth will hurt her now, but it will set her free. After everything, I think that's the least you can do for her.

/r/relationship_advice Thread