I cheated on my boyfriend.

I'm going to cross post my old thread, for more insight:

I've become what I despise and I've hurt the man I love the most in life. The circumstances were not ideal, but I am taking full responsibility. There is no excuse for this, but here is the gist of it. A friend of my flatmate made his way into my room after I'd put myself to bed. He was sober, I was inebriated. I was too scared to object, or kick up a fight. This will forever haunt me. I asked him to leave afterwards, and his response to me being visibly upset was '"flatmate" said it was OK'.

I immediately called my partner, asked him to come over and told him what I had done. He was heart broken, as was I. I love this man, and I want him to be in my life forever.

This happened a few months ago. Fast forward to today: We are trying to work things out. He gave me another chance. It leaves me speechless that he did that for me. I gave up drinking completely for a while. I'm working on self improvement and making him happy. Last night we had a few to drink, and went out with his mate. It got out that I had cheated on him and it made it all very raw emotionally. All the initial feelings came flooding back, and I got very emotional. He says he still loves me, but this feeling of self hatred has been weighing heavy recently.

He deserves so much more. I don't want to lose him, I'm worried my self hatred will hinder my ability to move on. I just can't picture my life without him, and I want for this to work but I can't forgive myself. Has anyone been in a similar situation? How do you move forward? Please don't suggest we break up. I know reddit slams cheaters ( very rightfully), but as long as he is willing to love me, and continue our relationship: I'm going to fight to keep him. (We actually haven't even entertained the idea of breaking up between us, and have not stopped loving each other.)

/r/selfhelp Thread Parent