I haven't slept at all tonight. For the past few months I have been experiencing crazy anxiety and depression, with weird head tingling and spaciness and headaches. I have been checked out by doctors but am thinking this might just be my depression/anxiety morphing into a new form.

I am going today to get a GeneSight test done, even though it has questionable validity, because I need to keep trying new things to get better. I am also going to start EMDR this week as well. I also started curcumin and rhodiola rosea, which may help my mood as well. I am sick of doing all this stuff and all of the things I am supposed to do to be well, that are supposed to work, but don't really. I want to be free of this pain and suffering. I want happiness.

I feel like I need some hope. I've tried so hard for so long to get better and I'm a really persistent person, so I'm still going to try. I would just like to know that there is hope, and that I will be able to work a full time job in the future, and that I will be able to stop feeling useless, and that I will be able to make some friends. I don't want my life to be this shitty anymore. I want to get out of poverty and am desperately doing all I can, but my stupid emotions and brain keep interfering.