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no one might read this but i want to rant, so basically, because of mental health issues (i'm not even sure what they are yet) i've been stuck living with my parents. i dropped out of college (it was art school) and started doing online classes at a community college (computer science). i've had jobs off and on for the past few years but not for very long. the longest i've been at a place was 6-7 months. i've been trying to get into therapy and try to do something about my situation but i'm pretty sure my parents are trying to make it impossible.

my mom has always been a bit unstable and kinda awful. my friends' parents call her a fruit loop. she's prone to arguing and lying and saying really hurtful things when she's angry. she actually went haywire and kicked my best friend out of the house on her sixteenth birthday cause she (we) wouldn't go to church with her. she's always done big dramatic stuff and it used to really keep me upset. in high school my self esteem was awful because she'd say things that would make me feel useless, like that i was only ever going to work at wal-mart, i was going to hell, and i'd never have sex (she said this IN FRONT of my friends). she'd used to get mad at me and take me to a local fast food and drop me off to humiliate me and coerce me into getting a job. a lot of days she'd get upset about something before school and i would go in upset or anxious and i just didn't really care and some days when i had a car i would just skip school and go to our nearby city to spend all day and that got me in a lot of trouble (but was worth it tbh). two or three times she found my diaries (my way of working through my issues; it helped me through depression and being bullied at school) and would totally skip all the stuff about me having problems in school and want to fight about things i'd wrote about her when i was mad. when i fell pretty hard back into depression a couple years ago i gained about 80 lbs and she made jokes about me "being so fat i'd have to be lifted out of my room with a crane." the list could go on and on and on.

well anyway, i'm halfway through my degree, i've been on meds steadily for a year and i'm making plans to move in with my boyfriend. i'd say things are on the upside right? well mom is currently between medicines (switching) and i think we have a bad fight every other day about something. this past summer she actually left me in the hospital while i was in the waiting room in pain (i had a kidney stone that i had to have surgically removed) because she was mad about something. just a few weeks ago she had the WORST outburst ever, something about cleaning and she started coming into my room to yell at me, jerking my laptop out of my hands (she actually broke my laptop and headset), it got so bad that I eventually was holed up in my room, barring the door against her trying to ram it open and crying while she was yelling insults and threatening to kick me out of the house.

she always does this; holds groceries, pet food, internet etc over my head and throws it up that she's paying my rent. sometimes we go out to eat together and she'll throw that up in an argument. yeah, i know i'm 24 and i haven't moved out yet, but i've been through a ton of issues trying to deal with my mental health, i'm a little behind but it's not like i'm intentionally just being a bum or something?

i'm basically stuck and powerless and afraid. i hate feeling like this.

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread