The experience of being a child of immigrants can vary so much. Using that specific term can have a lot of implied meaning beyond that your parents simply didn’t grow up in the US. I think if you say “child of immigrants,” people tend to assume you also mean child of parents who speak English as a second language, first in the family to go to college, or being relied upon for financial guidance or direct transfers of money.

I am a child of immigrants, but because my parents are native English speakers who pursued advanced degrees and work in a lucrative industry, none of the implications of that phrasing apply to me.

Money-wise, my experience was pretty similar to my childhood peers who had parents from the US. My parents paid for my education, helped me buy my first home, paid for my wedding, and offer valuable career guidance. If anything, their wealth will end up as part of my retirement, not the other way around. They taught me to see their money as something I am absolutely not entitled to, but something that they deploy strategically to improve my quality of life. I would never dream of asking them for money and they taught me that I always need to be self-sufficient, but they make obstacles that they see as unjust go away (the exorbitant cost of a down payment, the cost of college, etc.).

One difference I noticed when I compare my parents’ view of money to my peers’ parents is that my parents’ values lie somewhere between American values and the values of their home country. They ended up doing really well for themselves in the US, but I think their upbringing elsewhere helped them avoid the keeping up with the Joneses mentality. They are very secure in their values and only spend money on the things that bring them deep joy even when people around them are ridiculous with their money. They instilled in me from a young age that you should never spend a penny more than you have and that creating a life that feels good is infinitely more important than one that looks good. I grew up with a very nice life, but I always thought my peers’ parents had even more money than us because of the way they spent and the homes they lived in. As I got older, I realized that those were just people who felt they had to level up their lifestyle with every IPO, executive title, etc. That kind of talk never happened in my house.

Because we traveled a lot during my childhood to see extended family, they passed on the value that money should be used to be with the ones you love and help them as much as possible. I’ll spend almost any amount of money to be with my friends and family and I’m sure that it’s because I saw my parents drop everything to go halfway around the world countless times as a child. It’s a massive privilege to be able to do this, but I also see that it’s a mix of privilege and mindset. I have peers who have the same amount of money but don’t use it in the same way.

The overall takeaway I got from my immigrant parents is that money is freedom. They both came from poor upbringings and saw how their work opened every door they could have dreamed of. It is extremely important to them that my siblings and I can fend for ourselves financially. They spent their time and resources setting us up to be successful even if they dropped dead tomorrow and we never saw an additional penny from them from this moment forward. They really drove home that we should never have a setup where we are dependent on anyone else (transfers of wealth from them are always lump sums for specific uses so that we never inflate our ongoing spending beyond our own incomes). Having earning potential for your entire life is extremely important to them, so we were all taught to never financially rely on a spouse, always keep skills sharp, and maintain really strong relationships in our industries.

I realize this is the opposite of what the other replies are bound to be, but I think it’s important for people who were born with advantages to be honest about it and what it entails. It’s so clear that every financial hurdle was basically knocked down for me while others had additional roadblocks thrown up left and right. The only difference is where our parents came from and the opportunities they were given upon arrival in the US. I don’t know what the answer is, but it’s incredibly fucked up that privilege and luck of the draw determine if your family will have a positive or negative impact on your adult financial situation.