I realized at 31 that I was a codependent with serious covert narcissistic traits. Very emotionally abusive to my wife. Very entitled. Golden child. I experienced an ego death a few years back from too much weed after my child was born and while in a state of dp/dr and psychosis, went down the rabbit hole to find what was wrong with me. Discovered narcissism and saw myself and my dad in the description. Tried to talk to him about it so “we could work on ourselves together” he said it was obvious that he didn’t have any of those traits. Anyway a couple years go by and after the same old same old, the psychotic symptoms started to pass and I became more clear headed. Started researching early this year and the narc stuff hit my sober mind like a sack of bricks. Completely retraumatized and derailed me. Thought my dad was my best friend all my life but learned about trauma bonds and stuff. Also took my wife having an affair on top of this to hit rock bottom and face my demons. Our relationship is now stronger than ever and I always shamefully force myself to acknowledge my tendencies such as when I reactively gaslight her or anything of that nature. My dad is still a brick wall and I’ve given up on our relationship. Just gray rocking my way through our interactions and fighting like crazy to be a good dad and husband.

Tldr: I knew there was something more than my dp/dr lurking under the surface. Some sick twisted dynamics at play. I was lucky enough to stumble upon the truth when I did. And now my purpose in life is breaking the curse for my kid.