A different perspective on the phrase "Civil discussion about ______": Saying the discussion is "civil" is putting it on a pedestal for being not emotionally charged. Having emotionally charged political discussion has it's place. It's how we get people to care about issues that they don't directly experience. Get sad, mad, bent out of shape, or whatever you feel. Do you know who else is notoriously stereotyped with being emotional? Women. So, when you say that your conversation is "civil", you imply it isn't emotionally charged, because a person who is emotional is not to be listened to. That a woman is not to be listened to. Tone Policing is a great way for men (or other people in dominant roles within a power structure) to dismiss the content of an argument made by women, black people, trans people, latinx people, differently abled, or anyone else suffering from the power structure, and instead focus on how a person is coming off. You can and should expect people to be emotionally charged after a lifetime of discrimination and oppression.