FTFY

Awesome post from 2014 by /u/midgetcricket

in /r/LearnUselessTalents...

Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger. As beyond remembering that it existed I had no part in the creation of this, I paid it forward and gilded the real OP /u/midgetcricket and I guess by transfer the fine folks at Condé Nast and their parent company. No bamboozle

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So, I know entirely too much about this. Come, and bask in the expertise garnered by my misplaced pastimes.

There are two set ups to claw machines. Like most people are pointing out, most of the new ones (which will from here on out be referred to as sucky machines) cycle through the tension. The cycles in sucky machines can run through as few as 3 (rare) average at 5-7 and can run as many as 10. The sucky machines can be set but usually aren't, while the older ones, or awesome machines, have to be set, and then you're at the mercy of the owner. The benefit of the awesome machine is that even if it sucks you can find out in a try or two whether or not it's worth it. And the ones that are truly awesome are worth the hunt. I'll eat at a restaurant I hate for a chance to play "The One." The one that always closes, every time. The one that always has something you actually want in it because they put real plush in there. The one that cares about how skilled you are, and not what fucking cycle it is. For those of you willing to hunt out "The One," you'll find the awesome older machines in privately owned places like non-chain arcades, pizza parlours, diner foyers, old timey corner stores and -most commonly- bowling alleys.

Being able to tell which machines are going to play fair is unfortunately mostly trial and error and good memory. If you have the time and/or patience you can wait around and watch others play to conserve your own quarters. Here's my personal technique for deciding on a machine, and no guarantees it's any good, but here goes. Don't sit and plug a bunch of quarters in all at once just to see what the cycle is going to be. It's better to hit up each machine just once each trip for a few trips to let others advance the cycles and judge the following traits of each machine:

Is the claw stuck open? It generally shouldn't be

Has the claw returned to it's place over the chute? It should have

Did the last person bust both of the coin return buttons in anger?

4, Is it going to eat your quarters?

Does the claw close before beginning to rise? It should

If the claw closes around an item, do the tines have any tension at all, or do they loosely slip around like they're dangling from strings? If they completely dangle, it might not have enough tension to pick anything up even at the best cycle

Are the items low enough that the claw can actually close around something? If it's packed too high it'll just lay on it's side and can actually choke on it's own cord

Are the items packed loosely enough that the claw can get it's tines underneath at least one thing with no resistance? Stuffed animals shouldn't be packed and are best when laid gently on top of one another You'll see what I mean within a few machines

If it's a jewelry type, does the claw completely close with the tines touching? Even a tiny gap will cost you your necklace

If it's a jewelry type, does it have tiny (aquarium or beads) or large gravel (like river rocks or those large acrylic chunks)? Large or heavy gravels won't give and will keep your claw from closing under your shineys

Does it jerk a lot on the return trip? The return trip can be the most important part. Even a super loose grab can be finagled as long as the return is smooth enough

Over time, are the machines emptying at all? If absolutely no one won in the last week, perchance you won't either

Bonus: Can I stand on the side of it too?

If a certain machine scores low on my checklist, is it just one visit, or is it consistent? Also is it just the one machine, or all the machines at a site? 'Cause sometimes there's just problem equipment, and sometimes people are jerks and break stuff. But sometimes the guy who tends the machines doesn't like driving 50 miles out to stock it, and rammed all the stuffed animals in there with all the repressed anger of someone forced to count quarters for a living before greasing the claw with shortening and driving into the sunset, not to be seen again on this calendar year. If all of them suck every time for more than say, 2-3 times, just give up and save your money.

The types of animals and other items matters too. Some are too heavy on one end and will tip out (adjust for center of gravity, you can still get it), or too heavy for the claw all together. I've seen a ton of $1.00 machines completely filled with things too big for the claw. Really round things will only work if they're small enough for the claw to fit comfortably around. Those hard square packages are a pain unless you can hook more than one at once and really ram them in there, or they're small enough that it can sit inside the claw without holding it open at all.

What you're looking for in an ideal target is not the one you want, but the one that is easiest. You want the stuffed animal that is laying on top in a prominent position away from other critters on the sides. Something with a skinny body and gangly limbs is probably the single easiest stuffed animal type to get because the claw can close securely around the body while the limbs spread the weight. Think those felt ones in the 25¢ machines. Great practice those.

Animals that are too sleek/light/wrong shape can still be had, but you can spend a lot of money slowly flipping them across the machine to the chute. My favorite though, is to get them next to something else small enough to fit into that claw, and then go for them both. Everyone thinks you're badass, but really it just makes it sooo much easier. This is especially true for the jewelery types. Now claw tension/jerking is way more important in the jewelry machines, but the single best way to get things out of those is to look for those piles of necklaces/bracelets without packaging, and try to pick them all up at once. The more 50¢ lead free painted copper chains you can pile in there, the less likely it is that you'll lose any of them. The tackier chunkier the beads the easier it gets.

Well, this concludes midgetcricket's guide to getting lucky with claw machines. I hope my meanderings have saved you a quarter or two, and just maybe one day will help you impress some random stranger passing you by in your local Walmart entrance.

Source: My fiance hides quarters from me. I may have a problem.

Edit: formatting ReEdit: Wow. Didn't expect anyone to even read this. Thanks for the gilding, and good grabbing everyone!

TL:DR in 1998, The Undertaker threw Mankind off Hell In A Cell, and plummeted 16 ft through an announcer’s table.