cmv: “All white people...” opinions are challenging for white BLM allies

As a cis female who worked in a male dominated field, often alone with men, I have tried to keep myself safe. When you are alone with a person, you start to learn a lot more about them than when you are in a public, social setting. The guys I worked with would show very private sides of themselves that they never did in public with me(talking about how much they loved their wives, how they were concerned about their relationships with their kids, feeling insecure about their bodies, issues with their dads etc.). That was also a time I saw some creepy stuff too. I never knew what these guys would show me. To be safe, I have to be aware. I do not need to necessarily assume the worst (ie assume they will sexually assault me) but I do not want to assume I can just trust them either. I have an exit strategy (like jump out of the car, have my phone on me etc.).

I compared it to any potentially dangerous situation, like say you get in you car and drive to work. You know there is a chance you might get in a car accident. You know you could even die. Sure you do not think that every moment you are driving, but you know it. There are dangerous drivers out there and you need to be aware but not so aware you are driving terrified. I am going to take the risk because most of the time I am safe. But I will pay attention and do what I can to be able drive and stay safe at the same time and I still put my seatbelt on.

I do not know which guy is safe. If I am not paying attention I am driving distracted and someone can hurt me. Sure not a perfect analogy but I know guys who would not hurt me might be offended by me saying I didn't know if I could trust them. I play it safe to keep myself safe. I have been hurt too many times in too many ways to not pay attention. They will prove to me if I can trust them in time. Maybe they are not perfect, but I am not either. There is a difference between a man who says a dumb sexist thing and a guy who does not stop when you say stop. I have a right to assume you might hurt me, no offense to you. The person at fault is not you or me but the men who do those things. I wish it was different where I did not have to assume that. But I have a right to feel safe.

/r/changemyview Thread Parent