CMV: The average man has it harder than the average woman in online dating.

If you're suggesting we just write something interesting and use that exact same paste for every woman, sure maybe that will make the process go by quicker, but it doesn't work. (Did you read this link)[]? Look at the bullet points for men - show that you've read her profile, don't make it seem like a cut-and-paste job, be totally different. Hooray, I gotta spend 15 minutes reading through everything and coming up with a way to be different to get her attention among the others.

Don't read their profile to try to beg for their attention. Know that you put so much work into your letter that you are deserving, and read profiles to pick who YOU would like to go out with. Don't just hope that a woman, any woman, will write back.

But we have no other option. You cannot be picky.

Why bother writing each and every woman "something special" if you know that you will not hear back from a large percent of them? Does that not add to your frustration?

EXACTLY. We HAVE to write to any mildly appealing women because we know most of them aren't going to respond back. Lower your standards, raise those numbers. If you're not getting messages back, you're not sending enough. This is a repeated tip. I'm sure most people would prefer to have some mediocre partner than none at all. Fuck it, we'll take what we can get, just give us anything. Glad you understand that it's frustrating.

Would you be willing to change your mind on it being hard for men in general on dating sites and adapt that perspective to it being hard for men who to find hookups on dating sites?

Sure. In fact (this study)[] lead me to change my view that they are equally hard in the end but "the first stage of online dating is so heavily stacked in women’s favour"

Is this some sort of rule on some websites, or do you just assume that women don't send first messages? (I'm really curious about this)

It's not a rule but they honestly never do. Only on the hottest men. Why would they when they have a bunch of messages to go through first? Most guys have only ever received 1 or 2 first messages from a girl. There's stats that say women receive 20x more messages than men. Look at the study above.

And actually, on Coffee Meets Bagel it IS a rule that women choose who gets to talk to them.

...and what about women who receive dick pics for just simply posting something (even non-sexual) on imgur, reddit, or other places?

I can't speak for them because I don't send dick pics. I can't answer your other questions either but my guess is they're desensitized to nudity online and see it everywhere so asking/respecting goes out the window. "If you can't handle x you shouldn't be on the internet" is a common saying. Also, I'm sure a lot of them think a dick pic stands out more than the boring opener, and the game is all about standing out. That's all I'll say because I'm just speculating.

The rest of your post basically boils down to "stop sending us sex stuff" yeah I got that figured out. I can't make your dick pics disappear. Preach against them all you want, but you're going to get them. That doesn't mean I think they're okay. Honestly if that were happening to a man I knew, heck even if it was gore and death threats, I would tell them to man up. In fact that's essentially what the article at the top of this post says - "Be patient, write a better profile, and learn not to get so frustrated with men."

/r/changemyview Thread Parent