I've been around incels for a long ass time and I have a fairly good understanding of them I think. I don't think you understand why incels want some of these things (the real reason I mean not the one they present). The obsession with having a girl virgin is because they are scared. Scared of sex, scared of intimacy, scared because they want to be good at it but don't know the first thing. Experiencing all these things at the same time as your partner makes it somewhat less intimidating, I never cared about a girls number of partners at all but I'm a bit different than most dudes regularly posting.
You also blame attitude but that's really not it. If there's one universal with incels it's that they didn't get the requisite socialization. If you don't know how to flirt or read signals or anything and you're trying to establish yourself as a sexual being without understanding the first thing, it's hard to find someone.
Like, when you're terrified and don't know what to do and embarrassed and undersocialized (never been to a party, never hung out with friends, always been a loner, probably don't have any real human connections anymore) it's hard to get laid.
The reason for looks obsession is because we understand the world as we perceive it. We can see that hot guys are successful and we understand that it's because they're hot. So, you want to learn what people do to succeed and decide it's that. You ever got to see a dude with charm and great social skills get laid despite being mediocre. You probably never even observed that happen because you don't go to bars or parties or other environments where hookups often happen. So you explain the world in a way that makes sense.
I mean, I'm a 23 year old KHHV but I know exactly the reasons for that. Even when I regularly posted on incel boards I never followed the belief system, I just wanted to hang with dudes like me and vent.
Also everything in life is about sex and it's totally understandable to have a weird view because you never experienced it. And it's great if being a virgin isn't shameful but when you're in your 20s and a virgin and you see virgin shaming fucking everywhere (and it's very ubiquitous) and you see girls reject guys for being late virgins (I've seen so many girls who are like I totally connected with this guy but he told me he was a 30yo virgin and I called it) you're going to see it as shameful.
Like, every single post I see trying to describe incels comes from a position of privilege in my opinion. Knowing how to socialize is so important, and I'm 23 year now and I just started learning 3 months ago.