3. CMV: The most sensible thing to do if you're ever given a chance to sell your so...

CMV: The most sensible thing to do if you're ever given a chance to sell your soul to Satan is to refuse, because the existence of Satan would be implicit proof of an afterlife

"Listen, my friend; The same people who said those things about me being a notorious liar - well, they also said the earth revolves around the sun! These people aren't exactly telling you the truth, quesoandcats.

"And those "rape-dogs" that you hear so much about at summer bible camp? Those are merely stray poodle, terriers and schauzers that we've adopted to provide our guests with animal companions, as this has been shown to be a factor in maintaining mental health. Hell is nothing like it's made out to be in the movies. But you know how Hollywood likes to exaggerate things for drama and effect, right?

"I'm going to let you in on a secret, quesoandcats....I don't tell many people this, because I don't really want to deal with the rush - we're already forced to deal with overcrowding issues by building additional casinos and cabanas, but the fact is, Hell is a lot like Las Vegas, except you'll find that you have better luck with the dice and the women.

"But look, if you're not smart enough to see a good deal when it's dangled in front of your face, I've got a million other potential buyers who would jump at the chance to swap their raggedy ass souls for a top-tier position in the C-suite in what is likely going to be the biggest start up of all time!"

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