Coming out of the proverbial closet about sexual assault

I'm a man. I was raped by another man when I was college-aged (that is to say, quite some time ago). Around a year ago I decided to come out of the closet in real life. This was a deliberate act on my part, taken after a very long period of reflection. Men who have been raped almost never disclose, except perhaps to their spouses or therapists, and as a result their very significant rates of victimization go unacknowledged and unaddressed at best. More typically, they are greeted with denial or undisguised contempt. It seemed to me that nothing about that would ever change unless we started being honest, as women have been, about our experiences. And I thought it hypocritical to wait for other guys to come forward and take the heat without being willing to do so myself.

I'm still undecided about whether this was the right thing to do. I can, however, say that pretty much without exception, all the consequences, both personal and professional, have been negative. I'm unable to think of a single way in which my life is better as a result. I can call to mind many, many ways in which it is worse.

In general I believe that my original analysis was correct. Unless we step forward into the light of day, nothing will improve for us as a group. Individually, though, living openly as someone who has experienced sexual violence carries very real -- and, it has to be admitted, often highly painful -- costs.

/r/rape Thread