Coming to terms with chastity

we're planning to start a family in a year (there are ways and means...) so that may never happen

Please don't.

If sex is important to you and I suspect it is, otherwise you wouldn't have gone out of your way to argue about sex, bring up audiobooks for him to listen to, and continuously remind him of things to do with you, then having a child be brought into your relationship will not make it better.

You're only 26, not married to this guy, and never even had a sex life. You're mourning the sex life you imagined you'd be having with him and still have not accepted the fact that sex is just not going to happen with him. Yet you want to continue to advance the relationship in permanent and life changing ways. Do not do this.

How can I accept my life of chasity and feel better about myself?

Radical acceptance is about accepting life on life’s terms and not resisting what you cannot or choose not to change. Radical acceptance is about saying yes to life, just as it is. Accepting life doesn’t mean agreeing with it.

Accepting reality is difficult when life is painful. No one wants to experience pain, disappointment, sadness, or loss. But those experiences are a part of life. When you attempt to avoid or resist those emotions, you add suffering to your pain.

There are moments where we will feel pain and hurt and sometimes those situations are out of our control. The only thing we can control is our suffering.

Life gives us a myriad of opportunities to practice acceptance. If you have a problem that you can solve, then that is the first option. If you can’t solve it, but can change your perception of it, then do that. If you're unable to solve it or change your perceptions of the situation, then you can accept it or remove yourself from the dynamic.

You need to ask yourself if you will be able to truly accept the situation for what it is.

You should evaluate the relationship and what it is you ultimately want from it and how you want to live your life. Does your relationship fit into that desire for your life to be that way? Are you able to make it fit by changing your perceptions of the situation if it doesn't fit already?

Will you be able to find a way to be happy and content if you stay and follow through with having a family, knowing you will never have the sex life you wanted to have with your boyfriend?

Will you be able to genuinely accept the reality for what it is? It's ok if you can't but you must be honest with yourself about what you're able to handle and live with. I think once you begin asking yourself these questions and you're honest with yourself about them, then you can begin to decide how to best move forward.

/r/DeadBedrooms Thread