My SO is the exact same way, he would rather contribute any honesty as criticism...

I am not sure it you mean attribute, but I assume so based on the rest of your post.

My AP is not afraid of conflict, and at times, he will argue just to argue. When he is arguing with me, it's about him wanting to win, and he will do that no matter what it takes, even if it means attacking me verbally to take the wind out of my sails. Honestly, it sucks, and it's hurtful at times. I hate when he tries to justify it by saying, "I'm just being honest." Bullshit. He's just trying to hurt me to "win", and instead of realizing that the point of communication is to have a win-win, he thinks I have to "lose" for him to win.

So, I have a feeling this is how you are, based on what multiple men describe. The comment from your AP that he'd rather you punch him indicates that you are very hurtful, since his point is that it would hurt less if you punched him. There are wrong ways to communicate, and those are just as damaging, if not more, than no communication.

I am a strong, confident woman, but I shut down at times when he's "communicating". It's pointless to try and have a meaningful discussion when he's in a fighting mood. I have no desire to lower myself to that type of interaction.

So, you might take a step back and view your communication style. You mention yelling...there is no reason to yell. Do you say things to the guys that others would find hurtful? You sound like you are hiding behind the honesty excuse, but you can be honest without being nasty. The tone and word choice you use is very important, because it's a fine line from honesty to belittling when you are sharing negative things. And, don't nitpick every little thing - only discuss those things that are truly issues; otherwise, it just feels like you're using them as a punching bag.