I don't really have OCD myself. I mean I like round numbers and shit, but I don't have actual OCD that impedes me in real life.

What I do have, however, is Tourette's Syndrome, which is extremely different from the way it's generally portrayed in the media. By which I mean, no, the fact I swear a lot has absolutely nothing to do with it. That would be called coprolalia, and even then it's a vocal tic, unrelated to swearing a lot when speaking/writing. Those who suffer from that don't actually "swear", they just blurt out profanities without any context, like one would clear their throat or blink. And it's rather rare among people who have Tourette's.

Anyway, it has nothing to do with feelings or anything, it has no effect on the way I think or the way I act, but it does play a big role in how angry I tend to be, and how the slightest thing is a big deal to me. It's also the main reason why I just can't "calm down", I'm always on edge, and the main "effect" of Tourette's is having tics. Those range from clearing your throat or blinking, to muscle spasms and violent full body jerking, and it is absolutely fucking draining, both physically and mentally. It never stops, from the second you wake up to the second you fall asleep, it simply does not relent. While it doesn't have a direct effect on anything, it's just physically painful and exhausting, and it makes everything else in one's life so much harder to handle and much less enjoyable. And I really do mean everything. Like, watching a movie? How could that be made harder by tics? Well, when you can't stop fucking bliking and actually have to put cream around your eyes so that it doesn't sting as much after a week straight of blinking hard every ten fucking seconds... there aren't many enjoyable things that this cannot taint in some way, especially when "this" is only one of many, some of which are significantly worse.

One thing that cannot be stressed enough though, is that's it has absolutely nothing to do with one's mental health. No, I'm not crazy, and no, seeing a therapist wouldn't help at all. It's a purely physical "disease", and it also doesn't have anything to do with the fact most people would consider me either a sociopath, or just weird/crazy/whatever.

Speaking of help, it doesn't help that there's no cure for it, merely ways to slightly attenuate the symptoms for a while, and all of them are either dangerous (alcohol), extremely dangerous (neuroleptics) or outright illegal (marijuana). I don't even know why I'm telling you all this, and especially not in PM. I guess if I do end up leaving this subreddit (still unsure whether or not I'm actually going to), that'll make some people understand why I sometimes acted the way I did. That, and sometimes I just feel the need to rant, and as far as I can tell this whole post doesn't go against any rule.