Complicated Break Up With Man in the Process of Divorce, Heartbroken but Hopeful

I'm not in a position to speculate about your relationship, but I can share with you what I've observed about my own ex-husband getting involved with someone such as yourself.

Less than two months after my husband asked for a trial separation, he hooked up with someone using Tinder on what was supposed to have been a family vacation. He's been dating her since September of last year, with the two of them taking turns flying back and forth every single month. By my calculations, they've somehow managed to spend 19 weeks together.

From the outside, as much as he says he's in love with this woman, I see that this relationship has been catastrophic from the start. Instead of dealing with some really important things, he's only focused on what was fun. He's since been demoted at his job, his two kids are hardly speaking to him, and he doesn't appear to have a life outside of the time he spends with her. When the kids have complained he only ever talks about her, he explains he doesn't have anything else to talk about.

I think he did himself a real disservice by getting involved with someone new instead of focusing on getting himself settled and putting effort into making sure the kids were adjusted. I can't help but read your post through the lens of my own situation, but as I read his comments, I suspect that your boyfriend is realizing that same thing. That as good as you guys had it, that he needs to focus on taking care of his shit at home right now.

We talked excessively and we skyped whenever we both had a little free time.

I think my ex's girlfriend is very much the same way; he's even described her as 'needy'. Even my MIL has said that nobody has ever given him the kind of attention she is giving him.

As to whether he really ever loved you? Who can say? My two cents would be that a relationship with someone like you was probably like a drug to him after leaving an unhappy marriage. That new relationship energy was probably very exciting. I'd suggest you read up on the 'affair fog' (not suggesting you guys had an affair!) to read about how his thinking going into your relationship might have been affected by having just left a long-term marriage.

I'm sorry you are hurting right now.

/r/dating_advice Thread