Compulsive liars of Reddit, what is the most awesome thing you have ever done?

I work in retail. Specifically, in a tea shop that has a kind of 'bar' it that has free tea samples. Consequently, we have a lot of talkative types come in and try to start conversations with the staff. Think a bar in a semi-cool nightclub except there is no social lubricant (see: alcohol) to make anyone seem any less dull.

Inevitably, people ask me about myself. And I live a fairly mundane life with a little side of crazy. I like to see how bizarre a life story I can convince people of with a straight face to wile away the hours until quits.

I have a half-brother with PTSD who served as an engineer for the Israeli army (a massive selling point when trying to sell people crack-pot herbal sleep remedies). I have a disabled niece called Marlene. I was raised in the Swedish Fjallens by my grandparents who breed malamutes and compete yearly in Iditarod (never meant a single person who spotted the glaringly obvious holes in this story). I spent a year training in Japan learning to perform the Japanese Tea Ceremony (I actually spent about 45 minutes youtubing it). I am a high-functioning schizophrenic in a work placement program run by the state (actually, I'm just a morbidly bored young woman who my psychologist tells me fits many of the criteria for sociopathy, but given that I lie chronically to her, I'm not certain she knows what the fuck she's talking about).

I lie to my co-workers and my clients out of sheer amusement on a regular basis. I convinced my family that I had frequent hallucinations just to see what the inside of a psych ward looked like. I convinced several doctors I have bipolar disorder (and that I was a victim of physical abuse as a child, which led to the legal separation of me and my parents in order to gain access to youth allowance whilst living out of home). I developed a highly controlled and sustained eating disorder deliberately to piss of my family for several years and then was cured miraculously without the space of a few months.

I've gotten bored in the past and broken my own fingers just so my SO would walk the dogs in the morning for me. I also fantasize pretty regularly about what it would feel like to stab someone and the only thing that stops me experimenting is the threat of getting caught, because honestly? Jail isn't really a place I'm remotely curious about. But who knows. If there was ever an risk-free opportunity? I'd jump.

FYI. There is only one lie in all of this. A fairly insignificant one, too.

/r/AskReddit Thread