im not gonna make excuses. I didn't stick to my word. I did the opposite of what I was gonna do. She wasn't at the party. The party itself was not so bad, met a few people, mingled with acquaintances here and there, flirted with 1 girl. BUT I got too drunk and ended up going to my ex's house and seeing her. I wanted to get back together. BAD fkin idea. Like everyone on this post who had done the same said, I got immensely disappointed. Out of spite, I tried manipulating her by crying and running away, basically acting like a spoiled kid. Then I kissed her forcefully, and she wasn't having any of it. A fight broke out. Shouts took place. And I think just to shut me up she agreed to see me later.

I thought I'd won, now that she agreed to see me again. But I didn't feel like a winner at all. I felt disgusted with myself, with how desperate I am, how weak I am. No doubt she felt even worse. So this morning, I texted her that I was sorry about all of it, told her I forced an answer out of her and got back into NC again. Phew what a fkin night.