What they're saying is don't make any changes in your relationship with your family until you no longer rely on them for anything.

That means don't come out until you at least no longer live there. That doesn't mean you have to keep it a secret from everyone- a good first step is telling a progressive friend you trust. Once you realize others don't react badly and instead fully support you, you'll start to wipe away some of the mental roadblocks that have kept you unhappy or scared.

Honestly, it sounds like you probably are gay or maybe bi and have been repressing it quite a bit/not even allowing your mind to entertain the thought because of your environment and how you were brought up. You might find solace in knowing that this isn't unusual for guys in situations like yours (heavy handed religious upbringing and homophobic families). You might find a support group online for guys in your situation.

A few more things:

• don't look at gay porn on your home wifi without using a VPN. Your parents can see all internet history if they set up the router to do so. Don't take the risk.
• start to find ways to accept yourself by doing some reading on coming out- there are a lot of good books and they'll address issues you may think you're alone on, and they'll likely answer some questions you didn't know you had.
• if you wanna test to see if you really do like guys or if it's just some errant fantasy, try a one-off on grindr. Let them know you're new to this and exploring this side of you and want to take it slow. Tell them what you're into and see if you get any bites. A hookup that you enjoy will pretty much seal the deal and tell you everything you need to know, so you won't have to live on the fence any longer.