Constant, low level ‘I could just kill myself’ isn’t normal is it

One of the best quotes I have ever heard and one which I feel is essential for depressed, anxious or otherwise put out people who have been made to feel like their emotional states are a sign of inherent personal flaw is this.

"It is no measure of health to be well-adjusted to a profoundly sick society." - Jiddu Krishnamurti.

As someone who grew up on the spectrum and spent my formative years in alternative schooling having the subtle and sometimes not so subtle notion drilled into me that I was inherently flawed and needed to be fixed, I spent most of my life submerged in ever-present self-hatred.

As I grew up, all my work to become "normal" "paid off", as in, I don't come off as autistic anymore. I am generally well-liked because I am conflict averse and as someone who's been treated like garbage for incredibly minor things, I cut pretty much everyone immense amounts of slack.

Now, what disappointed me, was finding out that "normal" just meant being employable, malleable, staying in your lane and having socially acceptable levels of neurotic, self-destructive behaviors.

The more I live, the more I feel the unspoken truth about depression and suicidal ideation is that by default, human beings are forced to carry an unreasonable amount of unnecessary weight. Our lives are marred with inevitable tragedy, yet our societies, instead of making it better, make things exponentially worse.

We accumulate trauma, we turn the other cheek repeatedly as a virtue and just say "at least it's not THAT bad" while we desperately distract ourselves from the static noise and malevolent nonsense the world serves up every day.

Keep repressing and move on, pay for therapy and swallow medication if need be, but keep the money flowing.

Wanting to go the fuck back to bed and sleep forever is a reasonable response.

This may come off as dour, but here's the positive part. You live in this reality, you've endured with a brain that just wants to go the fuck back to zero, to me, that means you are immesurably strong. Now why is that not some piss rainbows toxic positivity platitude? Because now you know you're entitled to say fuck it, you've earned your own happiness and self-determination by birthright.

No one gets to judge you again. You are alive, you are here in a world that doesn't value you or anyone you care about, or anyone who actually matters.

You get to be who you are and fuck anyone who says otherwise.

Your response is healthy and reasonable, of course, don't do it, obviously, but don't feel shame for it either. Fuck this god damned place, get your fucking keep and know you've fucking earned it.

Take care of yourself, I hope brighter days are ahead for you!

/r/depression Thread