Convincing someone that you're happy

A bit of a mental journey for me, but here it is:

Happiness is weird. I think it overlaps a lot of the endorphin-induced high people get when they're in love. Love for people, love for things too. I think most people equate love with happiness. So the first thing for me was mentally separating the concept of love from the concept of happiness, because otherwise I would think myself miserable my entire life.

With happiness this free-floating word now, I needed to redefine it so that it was something I could achieve. I thought - what makes me "happy?" When am I smiling, when am I laughing? I like food, I like nature, I like video games, I like reading, I like my work. But I quickly realized that I don't really...feel...much. I rarely get that "happy feeling." It happens less and less now. One day, it might not happen at all. If I keep chasing that happy feeling, I'm setting myself up for failure. So happiness couldn't be a feeling for me.

It became pretty clear to me, at that point, that I am happy when I "do." Happiness to me is action. When I'm doing things, I am happy. When I'm not doing things, I am not happy. Work makes me happy because my job is important and I work hard and do good things for my employer. Video games, puzzles, hobbies, make me happy because I'm progressing, creating, completing things. Food makes me happy because I like eating, experiencing new flavors, traveling to new restaurants.

Drugs, alcohol, they don't make me happy because they prevent me from doing. They reduce my mobility. I would be happy in a relationship where my partner and I would complement each other's activities. Sharing my experiences makes me happy.

By that definition, I'm doing pretty well. I'm financially stable, upwardly mobile, more or less healthy and looking forward to the next adventure.

/r/asexuality Thread