Could of had an amicable divorce, but she chose otherwise, so I fought like hell

This is actually a good lesson on dealing with someone with BPD: Here is how it works:

1) pwBPD/NPD/ASPD provokes you

2) You deal with the issue calmly, thinking the conflict is resolved

3) Repeat steps 1-2 many, many times

4) Eventually you react less calmly, sick of the provocations

5) pwBPD/NPD/ASPD victimizes themselves from your reaction ("Oh wow, you're so [crazy / sensitive / impatient / mean / bitter]!")

You are then left worrying "Oh no, am I really [crazy / sensitive / impatient / mean / bitter]". Before you know it, you're apologizing to them for a minor one-time reaction, even though they were hurting you repeatedly in Steps 1-2 (without ever apologizing). Often times, this triggers co-dependents into trying to prove their patience / flexibility, by putting up with even more of the abuse.

But the issue here wasn't your reaction. It was the repeated abuse that led you to react. They are provoking reactions in you, then invalidating your reactions. This is extremely dangerous for your heart and mind. The disordered individual will rarely (if ever) take responsibility for those things. Instead they will continue to push you over the edge until you react, so they can prove you're "bad". This false equivalency (my abuse == your reaction) keeps them in control, and allows them to continue the abuse.

** which is why the divorce**

/r/ProRevenge Thread Parent