warning, may contain triggers Alarm goes off, time to get up. Everything is heavy. Everything hurts. Do I have too? Can't I sleep forever? No, get up. Get ready.
Routine, routine is good.
Feed the dog. He is a good boy. He loves me. Coffee, food. Chit chat with Significant other. I'm lucky. Lucky to have him in my life. How can he stand me? I'm so broken. He deserves better. He hugs me, kiss on the head. Time to get ready for work/the day.
Routine, stick with it. Makes things easy, focus on what you have to do.
The day goes on. It's like a movie on fast forward. Thoughts. Like rapid fire.
Remember when you did this? What did they mean by that? Why'd they look at you like that? You are nothing. You can't do anything right. Yet you do everything for everyone.
Empty so empty. My arm itches. Where I use to cut. My skin crawls. It feel so good. Am I here? Is this me?
No, no deep breath, center. Ground. Move on.
Death. Death would be nice. Then I wouldn't be a burden. No, I don't want to die. What if there's nothing? Can it just stop? Why do I feel so much?
No one understands.
Why don't they care, they should care. I care about them. They are selfish. Fuck them. Fuck them all. They just use me. I make them feel happy. What about me.
No. No one loves you. How could they? Look at you.
"Baby, what's wrong? " BF asks.
"Nothing, just tired " He knows, it's more then that. We have our boundaries. He understands. Or at least trys. I'm so lucky.
brain is occupied with video games Look, you suck. Can't do anything your such a failure. You'll never be good at anything.
The time. What time us it?
Bed, sleep. Just sleep. You'll feel better tomorrow.
Wake. Repeat.