"You could've been ____"

I have 34 years all and my parents still keeps telling me what I could have done or what should I do, I'm really tired, I feel depressed right now because I still got them in my head.

I have never understand what they did.

They told me that I'm very intelligent, and that I was more serious and intelligent as a child, but my dad from I have memory has call of sort of thing. I was like for one year he would call me "worthless" because I didnt know how to do things like help him with fixing things at home, I was just like 8 years old. Then he would just call me things like "dumb".

I couldnt get a girlfriend until I was 25, he would ask me if I was gay.

So I was too a lazy fuck ass, I did very good in high school and college (I went to one of the best high school of my country and I graduated). But it didnt help, because I feel a little genius like they told. I say, hey I'm kind of smart, but when it comes to interacting with people, I feel like shit, and people seem to see my narcisism. Nowadays I go out and learn a lot of thing, I dont know how to be with people in a cool way, because my parents were always on me when I was young, and they were narcisistic as hell. Nowadays and for a long time, they dont have ANY friends, no one ever visit them. Ever.

Now I'm in pain because I got addicted to so much stuff to not fall apart and try to just be cool, I smoke, I do drugs and alcohol, I'm fat, I cant seem to find a girl, and when I do I start being very neurotic, etc.

Not so long ago my father keep pushing me to seek a post-college carreer REALLY hard, overwhelming, because after 34 I cant do it. That was what he fucking want, he didnt mind what the fuck I wanted, and mock me of what I choose to do, and try to scare me about the outcome of my decisions...

/r/raisedbynarcissists Thread Parent