I'd hoped to get a lot more value from this thread. I scrolled pretty far down and it's just every single person saying the gap didn't matter at all/thread.

This seems either like people sugarcoating or else just the selection bias of people with negative experiences not wanting to talk about this (or being downvoted into oblivion).

To be frank I'm pretty smart and my intellectual life is a great source of joy for me so of course it's a big part of all my close friendships. Twice I've been in love with women who had well above average intellects but as the relationship progressed it became more apparent that they weren't going stride for stride with me in the kinds of complex conversations I really enjoy having. Both relationships ended with one of us moving away around the 8-9 month mark so I never got to see how it would feel long term knowing I could only partly share a part of myself/my life that's really important to me.

I've wondered about this for a while but for obvious reasons I'd never brought it up. I'd love to hear other peoples' dealing with this in long term relationships.