Like you, I just love getting sick, all the time. Someone’s coughing at the supermarket? I run over there and sniff that shit up. I run my fingers along the shopping trolley handle, the self-serve checkout touch screen, the eftpos machine buttons, and then stick that delicious shit straight in my mouth. Someone with bad gastro vomiting and having diarrhoea in a public toilet? I rush straight in there, touch everything, then run out without washing my hands. Then I waltz on down to the local subway and get a big, fat sub after fondling the eftpos machine again. I sit down, unwrap and put my sub on the bare table before digging straight in, making sure to throughly suck every finger so I don’t waste a particle of subway goodness. Then on my way home, I see someone wearing a mask and yell, “WANKER!” at them and cough in their face. It makes me feel so powerful. Then I go home and wait with anticipation for what illness I’ve managed to pick up from that day’s activities. I don’t get why people care about getting sick so much. To me, it’s the best thing ever. I love the feeling of burning fevers, chills, nausea, vomiting, cramps, diarrhoea, losing my voice, having no energy, not being able to breathe through my nose, coughing non stop, itchy and sore throat and feeling like I’m swallowing knives. It gets me high and makes me desperately want to go back for more. Fuck lockdowns. Fuck masks. Fuck vaccines. Embrace the beauty of sickness. Jump off that bridge. Speed through that red light. Don’t live in fear of what could be around the corner. It’s unhealthy.