My ex would not communicate with me. He would stew if he was upset and then blow up at me if I confronted him (like: "I asked you to unload the dishwasher and you said you would; it's been three days." and he would say "Why don't YOU unload it?" and start quantifying all he did around the house, or that he made more money than I did, and I should unload the dishwasher as well as load it.) There were times he told me he enjoyed poking my buttons and pissing me off.

He would gaslight me. Invalidate my opinions or viewpoints, or make fun of me for things. My liking shredded sharp cheddar cheese on the spaghetti and meatballs I'd made? Was weird. I wasn't drinking a glass of milk, it was "nasty milk" (he was lactose intolerant). He'd make fun of my issues with food (texture, flavor, hesitant to try new things, certain things upset my stomach) and mock me in front of friends. But his not liking squash or green beans was perfectly acceptable... as were his allergies to corn, walnut and milk.

I have a back injury from a fractured vertebrae that apparently happened when I was in middle or high school. I get a slipped disc from time to time. I also had knee surgery for a bad knee that turned out to be a dislocated kneecap I'd been suffering with for almost a year. Doing things like unloading the dishwasher or dryer can cause pain. Yet he'd mock me and call me lazy if I asked him to unload the clean dishes or clothes.

He was a road rager who liked to swerve at people, cut people off, brake check etc. With me and sometimes our friends in the car. But of course I was overreacting and "you drive!" was his response when I asked him not to do that. He acted like that alone in his car as well - I'd have friends tell me they saw him on the freeway. It was humiliating.

I have some social anxiety, and sometimes going to new places (especially alone) or being around a bunch of strangers would make me nervous. If we'd go places where he knew people and I didn't, he would ignore me and I'd just feel so stressed and uncertain that after a few hours, I'd want to leave. And he'd get mad at me. When I didn't want to go to things with him, or that I had a prior commitment, he started telling me that people referred to me as his invisible wife. This including my in laws (whose house I didn't eat at because of the ants crawling everywhere and the filthy fly paper strips hanging in the kitchen). So that made me very hyper-sensitive at their house.

He'd stomp around being angry a lot because he had to make dinner, or he had to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash or what-have-you, and just stream hate and meanness at me. Then he'd do a Dr. Jeckyll/Mr. Hyde and try and cajole me into having sex. It got to the point I just didn't want to most of the time because I was depressed.

I had lost my job, been out of work for several months, found a job with a promise of a raise after getting additional training and licensing... they then said "oh we don't need more licensed employees at this time" and kept me at the lower rate. I couldn't find another job despite applying and interviewing several places, I was working from 2-10:30 at night in a stressful customer service job, and would come home and just need to cry and de-stress. He ignored that, complained that I wouldn't put out, and started an online affair with a girl he knew from high school. I caught him, he denied it, we went to counseling, I managed to check his email one day when he'd left his work computer unlocked and found it was including sexting and more... he cried at the next counseling session (I thought he was sorry, but I think now he was sorry he was caught). I would have nightmares and panic attacks in my sleep - but he couldn't tell her never to contact him again and he was ending it because he didn't want to hurt her feelings.

I put up with seven more years of that - took me two years before I felt I could trust him again, and turns out he was carrying on with her the whole time.

He started taking off his wedding ring, saying he didn't feel like wearing it... found out he was just fooling around with women at the martial art studio he trained/taught at. They started tagging him in things on Facebook. I finally had enough and kicked him out and changed the locks. My family came and helped me pack up all his shit and put it in a paid storage unit.

He was homeless for two years, staying at friends' houses.

But somehow it was all my fault.