Full confession: I [29f] did the same thing (just audio recorded though) with my boyfriend [m29]. He's the greatest guy I've ever met and is totally "the one", but he turns into a completely different person when he's trashed. He's TERRIBLE. I'd stay up all night to make sue he didn't kill himself, all while he screamed at me and destroyed things. Every time, we'd talk about it the next day, but it became increasingly obvious he had no idea of what he did or how bad it was. After one night where he gave himself a black eye from punching himself in the face repeatedly and then I had to haul him off his high-rise condo balcony railing because he was trying to jump, I know it was all too fucked up to just talk about the next day, as he'd never remember.

So the next time, I audio recorded him on my phone. I felt sooooo bad/weird about it but still offered to let him listen to it the next day. He did and cried for hours. Like straight up bawling for hours. He had no memory of going on tirades all night, how cruel he was to me, threatening to kill himself, and all kinds of crazy. Everything in his life is going great (our relationship is perfect except for this, he makes $250k/year in a career he loves and is moving up fast in, amazing friends/family, etc etc), and he had no idea he was like this when he was super shitfaced. He later told some of his best friends about what I did, and they privately thanked me profusely because they hadn't been about to get through to him for years about how serious this was.

My boyfriend and I worked together to create a plan for him to be able to go out, get drunk, and have fun, but all within his limit of not going insane. He committed to it 110%, and I'm blown away at how great he's doing. And he's the first to admit how much happier he is and how much he can enjoy going out and having a great time just getting reasonably drunk. It's been about four months since I recorded him and we sat down and talked about it. He used to be a psychotic mess about 1-2 nights/week, but he hasn't been like that even once since we committed to fixing this problem. It's amazing. He's amazing. I love him even more after watching his strength and fortitude through all this. Recording him saved our relationship and the lifelong commitment we're planning on making to each other.

So no, I don't think you're crazy. Far, far from it. Maybe she just wasn't ready to step back and realize it's a huge problem. Or maybe she's embarrassed and would rather just ignore it. Who knows. But regardless, you did the right thing, even if she doesn't admit it now or even if this ends up ruining your relationship. You care about her and want the best for her. Hopefully she'll appreciate this one day.