[CRIT] First time writer, first draft of a short story.

I was minding my own business eating my soup when a girl and two boys, obviously in high school, came in. The girl was athletic and pretty, wearing tight leggings and a small shirt that showed off her ass. As she walked past me to the soda machine, I drank in a long look.

"Hey mister".

I looked over at the table next to me, and one of the boys who came in with the girl, dressed head to toe in Abercrombie and Fitch, had slid over near my table and was very much in my personal space.

I looked him over. "Yes?"

"What the hell do you think you're doing?"

I looked down at my soup and then back to him. "Eating my hot and sour soup."

"No, asshole. I mean, why are you staring my girl's ass like that? You got a problem?"

I took my spoon out of my soup and laid it on a napkin on the table. I shifted my chair to face the A&F kid. "There's no problem at all. Yeah, I was looking at your girlfriend's ass. It's nice; toned and athletic, but not too big like those rap girl's butts. I just don't like that at all. The leggings cling to her nicely, and you can tell by the way her ass moves when she walks that she isn't wearing underpants. You're a lucky guy."

He stood up, raised his voice. "Mister, get the hell out of here. Right. Now."

I sighed. "Look, kid.."

"I'm not kid."

"Where you born before I was 21?"

His brow furrowed in confusion. "Uh, no."

"Then you're a kid."

A pause hung between us.

"Look kid, I haven't finished my soup yet. It's also not an accident that people are looking at your girl's ass. She wants people to: she obviously didn't choose the outfit she wore and left off her underpants because she didn't want people to look at her ass. This getup, it ain't just for you. By looking, I am simply rewarding her for her efforts. Think of it as a compliment in your fine taste in women."

He flushed red. This was not what he wanted to hear. "Step outside bitch. I'm gonna kick your old ass."

Bitch. Everybody said that now. It was hardly even shocking anymore. He puffed up his chest a little but made no move toward me. I continued to sit.

"Motherfucker-"

I held up my hand and he held his breath for a second. "Look kid, I'm not going outside. I'm just being honest. I don't know why you are getting so angry at me; if this bothers you, you should get angry at her for dressing that way. If you going to kick the ass of every person that looks at her ass, you're gonna be awful tired by the end of the day. Besides, you're a senior, right?"

"Yeah! So what! What's that-"

"Well, you're gonna graduate soon and then I assume you are going to go to college and have a new group of friends and girls to date. And you're just about to ruin the chance of having all that fun and a normal life over a skank that you won't even care about in 8 months."

Fear began to creep into his eyes. He backed up a little. I lowered my voice.

"So, I'm gonna help you. I'm giving you a chance to walk away, right now."

I slowly slid my hand into my jacket. "And if you don't, and I take out what I got my hand on right now, I promise you, you're never gonna be the same again. Ever. "

We locked eyes for a minute, neither blinking. The entire place was watching us now.

"Is this what you want kid?"

Slowly, he backed up, walking backwards quickly, his girl and his friend trailing behind him.

I took out my reading glasses from my jacket and picked up my spoon. My soup was already cold.

/r/KeepWriting Thread Parent