[Critique Thread] Post Here If You'd Like Feedback On Your Writing

Devil "I'll come back in a while, don't wait up for me", he told her, and with that he shut the door behind him. Antoine was used to his late night alone time. He sat in his Ford and put the key in the ignition, took out a cigarette and lit it. Just then, there was a thump, in the backseat of his car, before he could look back, he was held at gunpoint by a very masculine husky voice. All he could see in the rear-view mirror was plain darkness, he was unable to trace the source of the voice. "Drive", it said. Trembling, Antoine in a very jittery tone asked, "Wh..who..who...a..are you?" "Drive" "Buu..ut who are.." "DRIVE", the voice grew louder and fiercer "Okay OKAY, where do you want to go?" "Just Drive.." Antoine started driving and took the Aiden Freeway headed towards Raosty, a small town about twenty miles away. After a longstanding wave of silence, Antoine asked "You can at least tell me who you are" "Do as you're told, drive" "At least, tell me where we're going?" "You know where we're going, Antoine", the voice grew calmer "How do you know my name?" "The name? That's your question?" "Who sent you here? Just take everything I have, take it, take it, please I beg of you" "Antoine, you called for me and I'm here, have you forgotten me now?" "I don't remember..GOD...I don't", he said, weeping. "Do you remember me, daddy?" the voice transformed into an impoverished little girl's. Stunned, Antoine was taken aback, it was as if someone passed a four-forty resuscitation current down his spine. His forehead was sweating profusely, shocked and confused, he tried to turn around once again and he couldn't as the pistol was tightened against his head. "Jaa..ne Jane Jane!" Suddenly, a beam of bright lights ahead made Antoine blind momentarily which led him to lose control of the steering crashing in a ditch, he could feel crunching pain through his vertebrae, "Jane, is that you?", he tried to look around, he couldn't find the source of the voice or the pistol, he crawled out of the car, wriggling his way out, he recognised the place. It was the same tree under which he abandoned his two and a half year old daughter, Jane, unable to pay his loans, he couldn't afford to take care of her, he just left her there, crying and yelling, "Daddy", that was all she knew, it was freezing that night. On searching around, he found a letter written in an unruly handwriting, it read, "Dear Daddy, You were all I knew, you are all I know, there was no one that night, no one to put me to sleep except the cold winds, I missed you Daddy, Did you miss me? Was I the devil you always talked about? Was that the reason you left me? It's really cold here daddy and no matter how hard I try I cannot come back to you, they won't let me, they say that you're the devil you always talked about, I don't believe them, what's the truth daddy? Tell me? I feel very scared here, tell me daddy, whats the truth?" After having read the letter, Antoine started tearing it into shreds, tiny shreds and threw them in the air, blood dripping from his face, he started laughing incessantly, his voice became huskier and louder, his eyes were bloodshot red, and fierce, he just kept on laughing. "They were right, Jane, they were right"

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