Crows Understand Analogies: What birds can teach us about animal intelligence

"To this day, anyone who leaves trash in the park will be attacked by a murder of crows. Its not known how, but it has been reported they give 3 warnings and then attack. Just last week a VP at Comcast discarded his plastic wrapper for his ice cream popsicle (This is the same one quoted last week that Customers can "Go suck a dick. We're Comcastic!") on the ground. He and other patrons of the park reported 3 coordinated swooping attacks to his hair before the crows finally attacked on their 4th run. Their vicious attack was horrifying to onlookers, until they heard he was a Comcast VP. The crows ripped chunks of flesh out, parts of his ears, and attempted to go for his eyes, but stopped their attack after onlookers told him to simply pick up his trash. Once he did, the assault was stopped.

'This guy apparently thought he was above the rules. There is a big sign in English, Spanish, Japanese, German, Portugues and Mandarin that states "Pick up your trash. Rules enforced by murder of crows.". Apparently people are too stupid or don't care around here. I think the ones that are too stupid keep thinking it means "Every time you litter, a crow gets its wings clipped", when it actually means "A large group of crows will pluck your eyeballs out."'

The crows are protected by an ordinance that the people voted in last year, which also had the sign erected. It is reported that Comcast will now join the local sanitation union to throw money at elected officials to get rid of the crows. 'These crows have been trained to do our jobs. I mean, we have stupid people that we can train to pick up garbage. We should get the million dollar contract! It's not fair!". Comcast echoed the statements, implying that "Crows interfere with WiFi signals, and since we think we have a monopoly over the air, we want to get rid of these black crows. We believe these black crows must take a test to be in the park."

For now, any reports of attacks by crows are investigated by the Homicide Squad."

/r/science Thread Link - scientificamerican.com