Friend is an ER doc. Had a gentleman show up to the ER late one evening, looking apprehensive and distressed. Dude is sweating profusely and complains of severe abdomen cramps and lower back pain. They prepare to take him back but for some unknown reason he abruptly leaves.

He comes back 45 mins later in bad shape, breathing labored, barely able to walk or stand. They roll him back, work on getting him stable. Assess medical history, current meds, what he did that day, what he had to eat, when symptoms started, who dropped him off, why he left earlier. States he had lunch at home and felt fine and spent the whole afternoon gaming on his computer except for 2-3 hours when he went to visit a friend.

Order labs/imaging, get samples… possible kidney stones, appendicitis, or peritonitis (?) but labs are within normal limits. X-ray comes back and that’s where they find the culprit: there, on the radiograph, was a clear outline of a jar of mayonnaise inside dude’s rectum, lid and all.

Dude was sedated and immediately prepped for the OR. The call to the trauma surgeon: “So I’ve got an interesting one for you tonight…” lol