We’ve talked about it at length. A big part of it is he gained about 100lbs since we got together and says it’s body shame issues, that he doesn’t have a libido, etc... but when I’ve used his computer there’s almost daily porn surfing... I think he just doesn’t want the effort involved in having sex or I’m just not hardcore kink enough to get him going. I could stand naked in front of him with a dildo inside of myself and be moaning and he’d be like “oh well aren’t you silly -goes back to clicking through Instagram stories and mindless app games-“.

If I want more of a kiss than just pursed lips for 1/2 a second I have to specifically state “I want more of a kiss than that” and then I get like three softer lipped kisses and he pulls away and goes about his ADHD life of having about a billion sources of mental stimulation at one time.

I’ve begged for therapy, too, and that has never gone anywhere...

So I take what I can get when I can get it and mourn the sexual relationship we used to have. It’s too hard for him to change so he doesn’t, even though he knows it bothers me.