[CW] Talk about someone's life story, using 1st person. Make them as awful a person as you can, but without killing anyone.

I was born first, and I was so great that they wanted more kids. So my folks had a girl after me, then a boy, then a girl. My dad taught me the most important things in life: How to fish, how to hunt, how to pick up women, and how to be a REAL man. Real men don't cry. Real men take what they want.

As I grew up, I realized that he was right. Whenever me and one of my sisters would compete in some activity, I'd always come out on top. I beat them at video games, I beat them at running, I beat them at swimming, and I beat them at whatever sports they thought of trying. Sometimes I was nice and I told them that it wasn't really their fault for losing. Women just aren't cut out for sports. They're better with their hands.

When I got into middle school, my dad told me I should join the school gym so I could get huge. Ladies love it when you're huge, you know. I went from being a scrawny little bitch to a dude with impressive pecs and legs. I made sure to occasionally do my abs but really, who notices those? It's all about chest and biceps, bro.

The girls started coming after me, wanting my dick around that time. None of them would stick around me for long before going to some other guy. I think the bitches just wanted a free couple of dates and some sex. But that's alright. I learned that I could have a main girl and a side girl and make them compete for my awesome muscles.

When I got into high school, I started really defining who I was. The first thing I did to celebrate getting into high school was getting a new haircut. Spikes. Everybody likes spikes because they're tough. In Mario, you touch spikes and they fuck you up. That's what spikes say to other dudes: Touch me and I'll fuck you up. I also got some sunglasses too. My dad said that I should wear them whenever I'm outside so I don't get bad eyes later on. Whatever. I found it to be kind of nice to just leave my shades on whenever. Have you ever seen someone who doesn't look cooler with shades? I'll answer for you: No, you haven't. A dude needs shades, and now I got that.

Now I was in high school, a rad guy with muscle and I was getting bigger. Not just able to bench more, but also taller. I never bothered to measure, but I know I was getting taller. By the time I was 16, I had girls left and right, all after me. They never lasted that long though. When I got my driver's license is when I REALLY started pulling in pussy. This one time I had this freshman bitch next to me in a sweet new ride. She was so amazed that I had a car at my age. We parked up on a hill and started kissing and shit. She started having second thoughts, but I didn't. Her first time was in the back of my car, and it was great for me. I loved every minute of it. I started calling my car my pussywagon at times.

At about 17 I realized how much porn is out there. Shit, no wonder my brother is still a virgin (he's gotta be a virgin, some things ya just KNOW). But I also got introduced to some more interesting websites from having browsed around my brother's computer while he was away. That's where I found out about 4chan. I made a post one day with my girlfriend in the club that was popular. Told them they were a bunch of fags and at least I have a girlfriend. I'm told it became copypasta, whatever the fuck that is. I also found out about men's rights.

You see, men are inherently better than women. It's been that way since the beginning of time. I found these places online, MRA websites. That's Men's Rights Activists for those of you not in the know. So these places talk about how much better life was when women couldn't vote. It's all been heavily researched and proven scientifically. I learned about PUA then, and how bitches love negs. So I started applying that with some success here and there. I learned how to spin plates too. That's what they call it when you got multiple girls at once, but you gotta make sure they don't find out 'bout each other. Bitches always looking to trap you.

I graduated high school at 18. My dad let me have some beer to celebrate. I chugged that down with ease. I had already learned how to buy alcohol then. Some of the guys at school asked me about pot. I told them that I didn't wanna be some faggot staring at the walls all day. Nah man, give me some good Coors Light any day.

I then went off to college. My mom suggested that be safe, use protection, etc. Stupid bitch, I've been having sex for a long time now. One time this girl comes up and says I got her pregnant. I tell her that I can't remember every girl that I fuck, especially the uglier ones. But just to be on the safe side, I drove that bitch down to an abortion clinic. Ain't no way I'm paying for that kinda bullshit at MY age.

Now that I'm in college, I'm surrounded by pussy. But there are these more liberal kinds of bitches there too. Feminism is just a bunch of shit made up by bitches who are made about the MRA people calling them out. Between you and me, those bitches need some dick to cure them. I tried offering to help them realize their problems at first, but it didn't work. So I gave up and went back to lifting. There are PLENTY of sluts that will gladly accept my D.

I've gotten into a couple of classes with those feminists. I make sure to argue the side of men's rights. How that extra few cents we make is really stolen away from us by having to pay women for dates who sometimes never call back. Or how we're expected to buy them gifts and kiss their ass according to feminism. How we're always the rapists.

I'm also nice to the nerds in the class, telling them that they should work out more, and stop playing their games as much. A few times when my younger brother has people over playing games, I'll invite myself in and kick their asses. Sometimes. If I don't, then I just give up and tell them I'm going to go fuck one of my girls. My favorite thing to do when I'm playing games with a bunch of nerds is to just go on and on about the kinds of sex I like having with my girl at the time.

I hope to get a job as a fitness trainer, so I can work at the gym and also show people how awesome it is to be huge.

Oh! I forgot to mention my name in all of this. It's Chad.

/r/WritingPrompts Thread