He was not dressed like himself. His shirt was not faded from being washed too many times, nor wrinkled from laying on the floor too long. His pants weren’t a little bit too big or small. There was no lingering, musty smell which normally accompanied him due to neglecting his laundry. He was not wearing scuffed shoes.
He was not acting like himself, either. No trace of a smile could be found on his lips. His eyes were not shining. His knee was not bouncing. There was no laughter echoing in his chest, no words tumbling off his tongue. For once, she was not tired of hearing his voice.
She could not look up because the room was not comfortable. There was no paint color on the walls, no dimmer or shade on the light, no rug on the floor. It did not feel like a home.
She was not sure why he brought her here. They were not close. Her loud words had never been kind. She never gave him a sideways glance, or a brush on his shoulder. She did not like his stories. She did not laugh at his jokes. 
An hour ago, there had been no name displayed on her voicemail box. No number which she could recognize. The shock which rippled across her skin was not caused by a draft. She did not take her regular exit, she did not drive the speed limit.
She was not able to keep her fist opened. She was not able to keep the napkin she held from wrinkling. She was not able to get the words written there out of her head.
“I am not who you think I am.
I am not who you needed me to be.
I cannot put into words how much I have loved you.
You are not a thing like me, because I was not there. You did not grow up with love, you do not know life past pain, you have no family to call your own. 
I cannot forgive myself for what I’ve done. I did not stay, I did not come, I did not care. I had no trouble sleeping for many years. If I could change a single thing, I would not have left. I would not have spent so many nights slurring my words, but instead singing your name. I was not brave enough nor strong enough to be there for you.
I have no other wish but this: forgive me.

Love, Your Father” His feet were not touching the floor. His lungs were not passing air. His heart was not pumping blood. For the second time, he did not stay.