Daddy issues: How has growing up with an (emotionally) absent father affected you as a woman?

Time for therapy.

But seriously, I've tried therapy twice and each time I didn't get a therapist that "clicked" with me, if you get what I'm saying. In fact last time I decided I'll never go back, but once I get a car I'll actually end up going back.

Before therapy, not long after high school, I went to my family doctor and told her I was depressed. She told me I didn't seem depressed to her, and was very apprehensive about giving me antidepressants. I ended up hating those pills and stopped taking them, then I was too scared to go back to her and tell her because she didn't want to give me those in the first place and I was too ashamed to advocate for my own mental health.

One therapist was always really weird when I cried and couldn't believe that I was upset from talking about my emotions. I would always tell her I was crying because I didn't talk about this with anyone else, and it was hard for me to share these feelings that I was worthless, but she told me I was deflecting and she didn't believe that's why I was crying. It's like there were things she wanted me to say, but I had no idea what she wanted to hear. It was frustrating. And I only lasted a month with her. Since then I've learned some people go to therapy for years, so, it seems especially odd that she expected me to make whatever progress she wanted in a month.

The second time I mentioned that I had a depressed period the worst I'd ever had it and that's why I decided to go see him. During that time I could usually make myself go to school, but after that I was done. I HAD to go home directly after and cry, and I couldn't make it through a grocery store trip without crying. I couldn't go anywhere else. I didn't want to live anymore. I still don't know what it was. Particular hormones at a particular time, maybe. I told him the reason I was there was because I obviously had some things to work through, and I was afraid that I wouldn't know how to manage my depression if it flared up like that instead of the disconnected apathy I usually feel. He literally said that was bullshit, and that it couldn't come back unless I let it. I'm not even making this up. It wouldn't come back unless I let it. So, he only lasted one session.

Right now I'm in a place where some days are worse than others. But it's very frightening and hard for me to try therapy again. I throw myself into learning, and working hard, and hobbies, and just try not to think about all of this.

And, Buffy The Vampire Slayer does rock.

/r/AskWomen Thread