I was supposed to go see my therapist this week. My mom died recently and my emotions have been all over the place and unfortunately the thoughts of suicide are much louder than normal.

I don't have a car at the moment but my state insurance provides transportation services, unfortunately they often suck and it feels more like a gypsy cab service.

Anyway this Monday I was all keyed up to go unload two weeks worth of pent up emotion in a safe environment and then my ride service ends up no showing and despite my calling the ride company they are unable to get anyone there until well after my appointment. I didn't think they'd actually bother to show up at this point since my visit was moot at this point but lo and behold they show up. Two hours after they were supposed to be there.

I was pretty calm about it but I went up to the driver and said I wanted to know which company he worked for and what his me was so I could file a complaint. Well the guy ignores me and just starts backing out of my driveway. He then backs into a utility pole at a pretty good clip.

I did lose my cool then. I called him a fucking asshole and demanded to get his information because I didn't really know if he had damaged anything on my property or not. And then I tell at him a some more as he drove away. Nothing like really bad, I kept it to mostly F bombs and assholes. I wanted to say much worse things but I still had some restraint left.

Anyway, I called my therapist directly after that and rescheduled my appointment and started crying on the phone. Then afterwards I was just shaking and crying. A 30 something grown ass man.