DAE feel like they have to try twice as hard as other people, for a third of the result?

Maybe I should look more into the persona I present, all my social models have been insane and unbearable people too. I tend to try and be calm and agreeable but sometimes I think I can be annoying because I always feel like a child around other people, maybe. I should look more into that. It could be the fact that I feel less mature or vulnerable and maybe I give that off.

I think I’ve gotten some milestones on my self image in the least so maybe I’m heading in the right direction. My posture has improved and I don’t bank as heavily as I used to on approval but repeated failure lately still gets me. It definitely feels like my self esteem is tied to many interactions even if I’m feeling somewhat confident that day, one poor interaction can tank my self esteem again so that’s some good insight there.

My parents were awful about self esteem, one instance being they would tell me I didn’t matter and my life was nothing because no one would bat an eye if I was killed or disappeared. Actually thinking that I’m worth something might be where I struggle and it makes it hard to enjoy some hobbies that require socializing and putting out my creativity too because I don’t feel worth it enough to be engaged. But your relationship with your brother reminds me of that and makes a lot of sense.

You’ve definitely helped though, this gives me a bunch to think about and makes more sense over all

/r/CPTSD Thread Parent