I've seen a lot about people worried about/experiencing stalker-type parents and hoovering and all that, which i've had happen (usually, i'm pretty sure this was/is a control thing)
it is
but does anyone else find themselves lonely or missing their parent, after going LC/NC when that parent, i guess like...gives up?
I did - until I found out that the N used the "[me]-chosen absence" as a ploy to try to reel me back in "because they'd given [me] time to develop in my own way [read: get rid of alleged imperfectnesses]". After that made me puke, my opinion changed. hugs

like when they don't notice/care very much that you're gone?
It's very possible that that's a tactic to make you feel guilty for leaving. Don't take the bait.
& realizing that they never really made much of an effort at contact to begin with; You always had to be the one to go to their houses, call them, etc,
of course not, they are the important one and you're the extension which is supposed to function

they never actually really tried very hard to keep up communication past having you trained and fearful to not attempt at communication/visiting them (and the most you got was a very occasional "miss/love you"
guilt trip or
"i noticed you can't be bothered to see me anymore- i guess i'm no good unless you need something" or "so what, youre abandoning your family?")
code for "how dare you ignore me ME ME ME so I'm gonna make you feel guilty until you come crawling back" - another guilt trip

i dont know.
Ns make sure you don't believe your own feelings so that they have an easier time gaslighting.

I'm not sure if, in my case, it's a "typical" thing or related to the fact that I have BPD and i feel abandoned?
Trust your instincts, trust that if they had been normal parents you wouldn't have this kind of guilt piled onto you, and possibly your fears of abandonment are due to their never letting you trust their word?

Like, i know that it's for the best that i distance myself, and i definitely don't want her freaking out on me,
*get this framed on your virtual living room wall. It wouldn't be necessary with normal parents, but with gaslighty Ns it's the best thing you can do. *hugs

but it does kind of make me sad that she doesn't seem to even notice that things arent right and i've basically given up.
Of course it makes you sad, we all want normal parents/relationships, but her "not noticing" is probably not something you're going to be able to change, unfortunately.