DAE sometimes feel ashamed and humiliated thinking about narc-type things you did in the past due to being RBN before understanding all of this? Just so disgusted with myself right now thinking about some things in the past/sad about upbringing that influenced this

Thank you for this. I do have memories of things I did where someone pointed it out and I immediately changed my ways...like I yelled at someone and they said their parents never would do that and I remember having the thought "really? most families don't communicate by yelling at each other all the time?" (I don't mean that sarcastically, btw) and that was a big "education" moment for me. Another time in an argument with someone, I called them a name and they pointed out what I had done, which I hadn't even realized was something people don't do either because I was so used to it in my family...so those memories make me think these are more learned behaviors I didn't even know were wrong at the time and then changed my ways upon learning. I can think of things that might go deeper that make me feel bad, too, but recently I've been doing so much internal reflection and trying to be brutally honest with myself about things that I need to fix, etc. so I am hoping I can get to a place of genuine healing from this/rid myself of fleas, etc. thank you again--what you said was very helpful.

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