Ref for the World Cup Final is Nestor Pitana, 43, from Argentina. Big bald chap, used to be an actor before reffing. His mum used to be a ref and he says he's 'learned everything about reffing from her'. So that's why, when he gives a free kick, he drops his shorts, gets on all fours, slowly inserts the whistle between his moist lips before gently blowing, whilst vigorously rubbing his nipples. Reffed 4 matches in the World Cup so far; the 5-0 humping of Saudi Arabia by Russia (2 Yellows); the 3-0 hammering of Mexico by Sweden (5 Yellows); the 1-1 draw between Croatia & Denmark (1 Yellow) and the French 2-0 win over Uruguay (4 Yellows).

Side chicks for the game are both Argentinian; Hernan Maidana & Juan Belatti.

An anagram of 'Nestor Pitana' is 'Not Paint Arse'.