The best player is Fernando Llorente. That is the main think you need to know.

Kane is injured, as is half the squad. Don't ask where Son is cause he's suspended.

Hugo Lloris is goalie and captain.

We'll probably start a back three of Vertonghen, Davinson Sanchez and Alderweireld. Call Trippier shit repeatedly, he'll probably agree, especially if we're losing. Danny Rose will hopefully start at left back, he's great.

In midfield I've got absolutely no clue. If the'yre destroying people in tackles it's either Wanyama or Dier, if they're running up and down the pitch with the ball it's Moussa Sissoko, if you don't really notice them other than their insane ball playing abilities and shots off the crossbar, it's Harry Winks. All four are good on their day, but Wanyama may be past it, Dier's had a year ruined by injury, whilst Winks and Sissoko have been incredible all season. Who starts all comes down to injuries, think Dier's the most fit of them atm.

We'll play Dele and Eriksen in attacking midfield (subject to injuries). They're both amazing, Eriksen may leave, and has runs of poor form this season but he keeps our squad together.

In attack it'll be Llorente (scored the goal to send us through to the Semis) and Lucas, who's rapid, very christian and possibly fascist.

Ajax are good, young and aren't fucked cause of injuries and suspensions. We've got a new stadium though which we haven't conceded or not won in yet. Both clubs have a strong jewish connection, and as a result there's good relationships between the fans. Sanchez, Alderweireld, Vertonghen and Eriksen all used to play for Ajax, as did Rafael Van Der Vaart, who's a bit of a Spurs legend from recent years.