Looo0ooo000oong rant inc.
I've had a very bad interesting few months.
Things have been really rocky in my long term relationship after December when I found that my s/o had found interest in another woman. I was unable to find myself trusting him again and I was dumb enough to allow them to continue talking after they started exchanging pictures and putting off their s/os for each other.
My patience wore thin after seeing him talking to her for an additional few months and fights became regular again. We could not see eye to eye on anything and he assured me it was solely due to him struggling to pay bills.
I decided I would join the workforce, which meant giving up being a stay at home mom I started working and almost immediately found new appreciation within myself and a confidence which was long overdue.
Around that time we also got roommates ( a couple) to make childcare easier, as well as bills. We figured we would be living pretty comfortably with 3 people making money and someone to watch the kids for free. It took adjusting to, but we had things going well for us.
Or so I thought
My s/o soon took issue with just about anything he could. Whether it be because our roommate was too lenient with the kids, or didn't do things they way he would have done it.
His crappy attitude, nasty comments and his borderline abusive comments towards them prompted them to start having relationship issues. On top of that he was treating me horribly, putting me down in front of the kids and roommates, and pushing me around physically. I attempted to mediate their relationship since I felt responsible while attempting to repair my own.
Both their issues, as well as my own ran much deeper than I could have imagined. They were both terribly unhappy and any agreements made were pretty quickly broken because the female was incredibly clingy and could not give him space and the guy started getting snappy when he was not given space.
Over the period of that month I got to know him very well and didn't really notice that I was starting to become distant from my own s/o, moreso than I already was. Accusations were thrown and at first they were totally false. I was just trying to help...
April came around and I started to realize a few things.
Despite only being roommates/friends at this point he still treated me better than my s/o and was incredibly supportive. He did small meaningful things for me like wake me up with coffee or offer to get the kids in the morning so I could sleep in a bit. I finally brought all this up in a deep conversation with my s/o which only caused him to get angry and fight with me more instead of trying to be better.
One day in particular I found myself incredibly stressed but finding solace in the fact that I'd spend my day off with my roommate because we always enjoyed each other's company. Whether it be playing Borderlands, taking the boys out, watching GoT or just talking, our days off together were always epic.
We were always super comfortable around each other, but this day I was really on edge. I found myself incredibly nervous and unbearably clumsy/ditzy. Our conversation seemed to trail off as I got lost in his eyes, and he in mine. But only for a moment before I'd look away to hide a smile. Hours of romantic this and that ended in us sleeping together and I hadn't been more happy in quite some time.
Him and his girl split with the quickness and she came to the conclusion that we were sleeping together but we denied it successfully for quite some time.
For the last 3 months we have been intimate and I came to the conclusion that I needed to end things with my s/o and see where this new opportunity could bring me. I ended things and he agreed to move out and leave me with the apartment since I have the kids. Unfortunately he found out about the roommate and I and is being less than amicable.
Since this happened about a week ago I have received threatening texts, him, his friends, AND MOTHER harassed me on facebook to the point that I had to deactivate my fb and am not even willing to keep my phone on. He even has people at my place of employment against me. Since we live in the same town as most of his family I can't even step foot outside comfortably...
He left right before rent was due, took the ps4 I got myself for mothers day and has threatened to call CPS for any reason he can. He has made my life living hell and I've been made to feel like I don't even deserve to be on this earth....all while he keeps asking if I'll continue sleeping with him.
I am drained, disgusted, depressed and need to keep it all together for the kids who seem to suffer the most. I know I should have went about things very differently, I can see where I went wrong, everything just kind of happened and I got lost in the small moments of bliss.
With all that said, I'm having a rough time and could use some Hugs and kittens .