I (M55) called an old girlfriend for a date 16 days after I found out my wife (F53; married 30 years), was having an affair, and about three hours after I recognized that she had already abandoned the marriage in her mind and in her heart.

I dated a bit while at the same time trying to convince the ice queen to reconcile. I was always a good multi-tasker and at the age of 55 decided I would chase a very unlikely reconciliation until the chase was exhausted, but not to the exclusion of getting to know other women (many of whom had their own divorce stories, and were very supportive and helpful).

After 11 months I now have a girlfriend with whom I could envision spending the rest of my life, any hope of reconciliation with the ice queen is done like dinner, and the only thing between me and what's next is a financial agreement (which after a 30 year marriage with shared assets and business partnerships is tricky).

Based on what happened to me, I hold a firm belief that love is a decision.