First, congratulations. I know this is probably a confusing time emotionally for you but this is the start of your new, better, more stable life -- I promise. I broke free of a 4 year long relationship with my abusive/rapist ex last June. It was incredibly traumatic and I was treated like I was this subhuman burden so often that I genuinely thought the world would be better off without me. Point is, it was really really bad. I swore off men and dating for a while, but the universe had other plans. I guess that's what happens when you adopt the mindset of "I want to be single for a while and I'll only entertain dating if something genuinely good and easy falls into my lap."

Someone I knew of in college that I had mutual friends with was at the same bus stop/bus route to work as me, so we started making small talk when I was not yet single. It was platonic for a while, but turned into more in Sept. We took it slow and made things official in January. I had my guard up a lot and still do to some extent, which I'd argue is normal given the past. Don't be hard on yourself if you're guarded at first. This is a trauma response, and as long as you're aware of it and try to reevaluate if you need to be as guarded as things progress with someone, it's okay.

I also think approaching things with realistic expectations has been really helpful. When I first started seeing my now bf, I told myself it was probably just casual and wouldn't likely go anywhere. In time, I figured out it was definitely more than that and here we are, but it really helped me to just enjoy it for what it was at the time and not get too emotionally caught up. Kind of in that same line of thinking, I'm not sitting here dead set on spending the rest of my life with this guy now that I've found a good egg. He's so great, we're very compatible, I think I would be really happy if that's how things turn out some day, but I don't know how this will pan out and that's okay. Try to embrace dating as the potential to have healthy interactions with a healthier person than what you're used to. If my current relationship ends, I'd be heartbroken but I'd also know it was a good, healing experience. It really helps me to not get caught up in the old line of manic depressive thinking my ex imposed on me, the obsessive wondering if it will work out because they keep you walking on eggshells 24/7.

Oh! One more thing. I gave my bf a very brief background on my history and that's it. It's your choice when that time comes, but I wanted him to get to know me without attaching this detailed, messed up backstory to me and I'm personally glad I did. I'm sure I'll elaborate more some day, but for now it helps to keep my past in my past.

Wishing you lots of luck, I have a lot of hope for you.