Really sick of how I feel about myself currently and I am hoping to start and stick to a plan this time and actually reach my end goal. For most of my life I have been at a healthy weight as I was around 130 pounds before I started all this weight gain. As I gained weight I became more insecure and with that only started being more introverted and doing less activities and stopped going to the gym all together. This only made me gain more weight. Last spring I actually decided to make a change and in 6 weeks I dropped from 177 pounds down to 161 pounds. I don’t know why but after hitting 161 last year I lost all discipline completely fell off again and I am the heaviest I have ever been at 194 pounds now.
Right now I am super scared of just being stuck in a loop and always dreaming about weight loss in the future but never actually following through and achieving it. I never in my life thought I could reach the obese levels I am at right now and the fact that I am so close to the 200 pounds mark scares me a lot. I have a lot of close friends and a close relationship with my family but sometimes I really do feel alone. I am the only overweight person in all of my groups and even though everyone is supportive of me I just feel lazy for not losing weight quicker or having better discipline. Also I am too embarrassed to discuss my weight issues with them because I don’t want to talk about all the changes I wish to do or how I feel about my current weight if I only end up changing nothing about my lifestyle or I only gain more weight.
Its a weird feeling, feeling like you’re the fat person in the friend group and although my parents never say it outright I can tell they are disappointed too. Before all this I was a very confident and extraverted guy but now I feel like a shell of myself and I can’t recognize the shy and insecure person I have become now. I rarely interact with people I don’t know already and feel I like the confidence to try new things currently. I don’t even like taking photos of myself right now with others and I feel like the past 3 years I just wasted. I don’t want to be someone that only reminisces about the past and hoping to finally commit and make noticeable changes with myself. Hopefully through this sub and commenting or interacting and talking with others going through the same journey I can finally stick to my goals and have the discipline needed to finally get back some confidence in my life.
This ended up being way longer than I originally intended but putting this in writing felt good. I can’t really express these feelings unless in anonymity and it feels good to put this out there, thanks for reading my rant lmao.