Dear average/chubby/big guys, I notice you all the time online or IRL but you always ignore me, drop off the radar, or stand me up because I'm fat. (My Experience with Approaching Guys)

If I was in your place, I would try to think of an offer that will attract the kind of guys I’d like to meet.

For example, I’m a cautious 22-year old tall, thin-fit male. Cautious in that I don’t want to get entangled with people that I think might weigh me down pretty soon. I’ve never been to a single date in my life and would only try to initiate one if I was sure the girl would truly match my personality.

I’m mostly okay with being alone, but I do long for physical and emotional affection. I’d totally be in for mutual cuddling / massages (and maybe sexual things later on, but only if she initiated that—I wouldn’t pressure her at all) and caring for each other, but not with as much commitment as there is in most relationships. Just to make two lonely beings feel more happy and fulfill the basic desire of touch we humans simply have.

I do have some criteria, for example non-smokers only and laid-back personality, but being overweight in itself does not draw me off. However, most girls immediately run away when I mention (on okcupid) that I’m looking for physical contact—they think I’m trying to abuse her or take her as a stepping stone, when it’s really not like that at all. I enjoy giving pleasure, and I’d be fine with just visiting a girl, giving her a massage where she wants it and going home without getting anything in return.

I do understand that’s a very weird approach and makes me seem like a crazy person. But that’s the only thing I have to offer right now as an initial form of contact. I want to be open about this; I don’t want to sit in a restaurant, mention that I enjoy giving massages and feel the vibe of her thinking I’m a creep who wants to take advantage of her and have the date end immediately.

So, what does my situation have to do with your situation? I think that we are similar in that we both want to primarily give, require comparatively little but don’t find serious partners for that.

If we switched roles, I might include something like “I’m up for mutual massages in a respectful way”, which would attract guys like me. To be honest, I don’t think I’ll ever find a profile of a girl that says that, which is kind of weird to me considering just how good massages feel, but it makes sense from our culture’s should-be-opsolete-but-is-not viewpoint that every kind of sexual contact must be used by the female to bind her partner to her.

Going this cuddle+massage route is just an example of what would work to connect the both of us. It’s entirely possible I’d enjoy your personality so much that I’d want to start a relationship with you (even though you are overweight), but I would need the cuddling+massaging thing as an initiator of sorts. I’m going to be honest, I only write to overweight girls if their profile makes them seem like they are looking for similar things as I am. If it says little more than “long-term high-commitment only”, it’s a turn-off. Dating seems like mostly a chore to me, and I’m not gonna go through that if there is no reliable gain from the first meeting on. That’s why I came up with the cuddling+massaging thing—even if we don’t match at all personality-wise, we’d at least feel good after the meetup due to the oxytocin release.

/r/ForeverAlone Thread