Have you ever tried to remember some fact and couldn't remember it genuinely forgot it and then it came to you much later spontaneously ? Or you just remembered when asked on a latter occasion ? I'd say that INTPs may not have conscious access to their emotions. The knowledge of them is there, but it's hard for us to dig it out on command. It's kind of suppressed. INTPs are quite shut down emotionally. We do feel the emotions deeply but somehow we're not able to bring that knowledge to the surface to act on it/express it and talk about it. Something is holding it back/holding us back in this way. Similarly I think that INFPs might have much larger logical capacity intuitively than what you are able to make use of on command. It's there but just it's hard for you to access.

For me not being able to talk about some deeply painful things in my life is like having a broken arm and having to bite down so hard when you want to cry out in pain but can't because people want you to not talk about it or cry because it's too inconvenient but then when you have a hangnail people want you to cry about it and tell them so that they can feel close. If you can't talk about some of the most painful experiences in your life honestly because it's going to ruffle things politically and bother people to talk about for example abuse then it's hard to talk about mundane things. Some people want "connection" but they don't want to put in the work (and it could be that connection for you takes a larger amount of work than for connection with the average person).

I'd say that you feel safe to feel emotions fully whereas INTPs might feel safer to do logic more fully. It's not just about you making her feel safe, it's her entire social environment and other people too and how society views things too.